I have this nagging suspicion that the Chubby Little Hunchback (CLH) has been swallowed by a short person in their second trimester carrying twins (go ahead, take a second and visualize that). So it is definitely time to head back to the gym. I found some helpful running tips online that I'm planning to implement immediately, but since we've been in this spot before I thought I would ask you for some helpful, and kind, (eat less! might be true but it is a little mean) suggestions. Any ideas?
If you start with a long sleeve shirt, end with a long sleeve shirt. Nothing is worse than taking off your long sleeve shirt mid-run, tying it around your waist, and continuing your run with a butt cape. Nothing. You’d look less foolish wearing a football helmet and an inner tube.
Don’t run in place while waiting to cross the road. Besides looking ridiculous, you’re wasting a precious gift. The stars have aligned to give you a couple much-needed seconds to suck wind and talk yourself out of continuing. Take full advantage of this.
Don’t listen to audiobooks; do listen to music. Listening to music while running has catapulted my pace from “quite embarrassing” to “mildly embarrassing”. With audiobooks, I spend the entire time looking for sticks I can use to stab myself. With music, I spend my time pretending I’m part of a training montage in a Mark Wahlberg movie. It’s a no-brainer.
Wait until the coast is clear to stop your jog. If there’s one thing in life that I don’t want, it’s for the people in that random ’98 Acura Integra driving by to think I’m a quitter. Make sure there’s no one around when clocking out for the day. You want to be able to look yourself in the mirror, don’t you?
Run with someone slower than you. If you’re anything like me, this might be a difficult task. You know when a fast walk turns into a quasi-jog? Yeah, that’s my pace. But you’re better off running alone than running with someone the slightest bit faster than you. Your entire run will be about trying to keep up with his pace, while he’s six steps ahead of you, running backwards, telling you that you can do it in the most patronizing way possible.
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